Just Need to Write

I hate to admit it, but I'm failing at my goal to regularly write my blog. Its not that I don't have plenty to talk about. Its just that I have soooo much on my mind, right now, and have no idea where to start. So today, I'm just sending out an SOS.

I think that everyone reaches points in their lives where they reflect on where they've been and where they've come to. I'm at one of those points, right now.

I've been a stay-at-home mom ever since the day I walked the stage at Southwest Texas State University with my degree in Public Relations. I had plans to start my career soon after the birth of Anna, whom I was 32 weeks pregnant with when I graduated. Well, God had other plans and I've been home ever since. I've enjoyed being home with my children and doing all kinds of fun things with them. But, the time has come for change.

I'm just beginning the job-hunting process and, needless to say, I'm lost. Everyone wants someone with experience. Well, I have plenty of experience... If anything, my life as a stay-at-home mom has prepared me for just about anything a job could ask for. However, I struggle with how to communicate this 'experience' to a possible employer. I'm confident that I can handle whatever type of work I decide to pursue, but I'm not exactly sure how it will all play out.

On top of that, I've come to realize that my life needs some major overhaul. What that means, exactly, I'm not sure. I'm in a season of searching, for sure. Throughout the years, friends have moved in and out of my life, each leaving an impact on me. Sometimes, however, certain people leave more of an impact than you could imagine. Its hard to understand, unless you've experienced it. All of a sudden, I find myself questioning every decision I've made in the last 15 years. Was I following God's Will or was I following my fears and insecurities at the time? It's hard to say... But it definitely leaves me in a weird place of uncertainty because now I feel like there's something missing that I wasn't previously aware of.

I look at the people around me and I see that same insecurity that I used to have. The people that hide behind an image of false happiness. They act like its all good in their lives, publicly, but they're miserable when they look in the mirror. Why do people choose to live like that? Its most likely not their choice, but rather their lack of understanding of something greater. Whatever the case, it makes me wonder if we are all just too busy trying to make people 'think' that we're happy instead of actually pursuing true happiness. Is it easier to just settle for less? Probably so, but it sure leaves a big hole in our lives. I think that I've reached a point where I'm tired of taking the easy way out. No more just going through the motions!

So, now I've got a heavy load of questions on my shoulders and I'm seeking the answers. I have read more books and Bible passages in the last few weeks than ever. I've had more deep conversations with friends than ever. And, I've come to realize a lot more emotion than I ever knew existed. It's bittersweet, but at least I'm aware that it exists. The challenge I'm facing with it is to keep my words few and trust God to work out the details. Its definitely growing my faith by leaps and bounds! And I trust that the end result will be amazing.

My SOS to you, my friends and family, is to support me. Pray that I have the courage to follow through with whatever I have to do. Pray that I don't settle. Pray that I keep my confidence as I look for a job and don't get discouraged. Pray that I don't lose sight of the picture I see of my future. And, lastly, pray that those people most dear to my heart will do the same.

I love you all!