Fixer Upper

“Fixer Upper”: Most of us have seen the show, or at least heard about it. Chip and Joanna Gaines gained popularity through their TV show that portrayed them helping different couples look for a fixer upper home within their budget and then showing the process of transforming it into a beautiful place they could call home. Such a great concept!

And, while it seems fun to take an old piece of junk and transform it into something beautiful, the reality is that it’s a lot of work! It’s never easy and not a whole lot of fun. Many hours of sweat and tears go into the project. There’s frustration. There’s discouragement. There are unforeseen obstacles. However, the reward of completing it is so great that people believe that it was all worth it. Plus, who doesn’t want total bragging rights of showing off what all you did with your own two hands?!

Fixing up an old, neglected house or an antique piece of furniture certainly has its rewards. And, doing the work is a great hobby to develop. I have found it to be very therapeutic and rewarding. However, sometimes, we start to approach people the same way as an old object. We enter into a relationship with someone with the intention of ‘fixing’ them. We don’t like everything that encompasses that person, so we decide that we will ‘put up with it’ until we are able to change it. But the sad reality is that people aren’t like houses or furniture. People cannot be treated like fixer uppers.

Sure, we are all a work in progress. God’s Word tells us in Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” God never stops working in us and through us as long as we are alive on this planet. But, the key word here is that we are God’s workmanship. We are not anyone else’s project to fix. Nor, is anyone else our project to fix. Only God can do the work in us that needs to be done. Absolutely, He sends people into our lives to lift us up to Him in prayer and to speak the truth of His word to us. After all, we are His body. And like He says in 1 Corinthians 12:27, “All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.” 1Corinthians 12:25-26 says, “This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.” We need each other. We need the love and support of our big God family. But, we need to step out of the way and let God do the fixing. We can hand Him the tools. We can support Him by allowing him to use us in the lives of others. But, we just can’t be the fixers!

From now on, any time a new person comes into your life, ask God to show you what role you will play in their life. He doesn’t orchestrate friendships by accident. He puts every single person in the exact place that they need to be at the exact moment in time that they need to be there for His divine purpose. He has a plan and there are no accidents! “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.

  

So, who has He put in your life? Are you seeking Him for guidance in supporting that person? Or, are you creating a Fixer Upper?

"New Year, New Me"

"New Year, New Me" We hear this all the time, so it has sort of lost its meaning. But, when people get serious about making a change, there’s no holding us back!

I had no idea what I wanted this year to bring, so I have really been seeking God for the answers. And, wow- I’m a little frightened by what He has revealed, so far.

2017 was a big year for my family. Scott became vice president of the company he works for and began a 5 year plan to buy a portion of the company. I finally started to have more days pain-free than  days with back pain and headaches. Morgan got married and I now have a son-in-law. Anna started taking CBD oil for seizures and for the first time in a long time, we are seeing hopeful results. Sarah went back to public school after homeschooling for 6 years. And Clay started his last year in elementary school. Needless to say, life has just moved right along in a positive way. But, God wants to do so much more- so much more than just surface-level stuff. And that’s where I get a little frightened.

I believe His word that reminds me “perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18), so my feeling frightened isn’t coming from a place of fear. Rather, it comes from a place of knowing that taking that first step past the surface-level stuff and going in with my whole heart open before Him to the next level is going to be tough! Because going deeper into my soul means to open up those vulnerable places that I just haven’t wanted to open up for so long. As a flawed human, I’ve convinced myself that it’s easier to just keep going through the motions, playing the ‘good Christian’ role, keeping everything in order and picture-perfect, and letting all of that yucky stuff that has hurt my heart just stay swept under the rug. After all, everything looks good, right?

I think we can all have a tendency to fall into this mindset if we aren’t careful. How many times have we walked away from a situation that would have been hard, but would have caused us to grow, just because we don’t want to take that first step beyond the surface? It’s very easy to stay where we are comfortable rather than put forth the effort and go through the work and pain of reaching something more. Work and pain are hard! But, isn’t the reward worth it? We’ve probably all known someone who has trained for a marathon. They go through months and months of painful training just to get to the point of being able to push their bodies to the absolute limit of running a marathon. I don’t think that a single one of those people would ever say that they regretted the work and pain that they put into running and finishing that marathon because the reward was worth it. And going beyond the surface level in our spiritual walk with God is most definitely just as worth it- even more so!

So, here we go 2018. Say it out loud: “New year, new me.” No holding back or hiding on the surface. This is the year to completely trust God with everything that you’ve held back. Don’t let fear stop you. For me, I struggle with putting myself out there and being totally transparent for fear of being rejected. But, that’s silly! I can’t care of about whether I am accepted or rejected by people because the truth is that I am ALWAYS accepted by God. So, whatever your personal challenge may be today, make 2018 the year to defeat it. Make 2018 the year that you will go farther, love deeper and find a love so great that it could only be His work in your life! I promise you- God never disappoints!

Why She Dances

Why She Dances

“Let them praise his name with dancing.” Psalm 149:3

She doesn’t dance for fame or fortune. She doesn’t dance to boast of all of her skills. She dances to give God glory. She dances to praise Him with the gifts He has given her. While some people sing praises to His name, she dances praises to His name! 1Peter 4:10 tells us “God has given each of you a gift from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God Himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to Him forever and ever! Amen!”

When Sarah retired from gymnastics right before her 11^th birthday, she began a search for something that would both interest her and challenge her like gymnastics. She tried basketball and volleyball. They were fun and were great sources of exercise; but she decided that they weren’t the activities that she wanted to do with all of her time. So, next, she tried dance.

She started with just a few classes in the summer before her 6^th grade year. She took ballet, jazz and lyrical and she loved them! Her 22 hours a week of gymnastics training had given her a firm foundation that made her a natural in dance. And, she found that she loved the discipline of ballet because she was used to the strict discipline from gymnastics. After trying those classes that summer, she decided to take a full load of classes in ballet, jazz, lyrical and hip hop for the following school year. And after that first year, she auditioned for the competitive team, further increasing her hours the next summer and school year. She loved every minute of it!

In the spring of her first competitive year, she also had the opportunity to compete her very first solo. Having previous competition experience from the years of competitive gymnastics, she wasn’t even nervous to do a solo for the very first time. I had seen her practice it many times and she danced beautifully. She was ready to take the stage! I was confident that she would do well, but I recognized that this was a pivotal moment in her future as a dancer. So, right before she took her place in line, I pulled her aside and prayed with her. I prayed that she would step out on that stage to dance for an audience of One- to give glory to God through the beauty of dance and with all that He had gifted her. It wasn’t about winning or about the competition. She needed to know that, from this point forward, her reason for dancing had to be for God. Because if she ever lost sight of that, she would enter a path of self-glorification and comparison.

Competing is a wonderful thing, when done for the right reasons. In 1Corinthians 9:24, Paul tells us “Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So run with purpose in every step.” So, I prayed that she would dance with an eternal perspective. I prayed that she would dance for Someone greater than herself and use her gifts and talents to give glory to the God who gave them to her in the first place.

It will never be about beating another person. It will never be to boast. In fact, she will always aim to build up and encourage others to be their very best, as well. She dances with eternal purpose- to influence other gifted dancers to dance for an eternal prize, too. By doing so, they will be like iron sharpening iron, pushing each other to reach their full God-given potential. The focus will be on Him- not on each other. I like the Bob Goss quote, “We won’t be distracted by comparison if we’re captivated by purpose.” How awesome that she can learn this at a young age!

Moving forward, Sarah understands that nothing that happens to her is by accident. Every place she goes and every team she dances with are her assignments from God. Sometimes, she will have to leave the place where is comfortable to go to the place where He will grow her even more. Change is hard, must necessary. But, as long as she trusts that He positions her where she is supposed to be, she can face the change with confidence. She has learned that He decides when she needs to take a leadership role and when she needs to be a supporting member. He knows the areas that need growth and has equipped the right people to see her potential and help her reach it.

There is such freedom in trusting God’s plan. Even when it seems like everything is working against us, He is using it for good. And, when everything seems to be falling into place, His hands are all over that, too. I’m so thankful that God built Sarah’s confidence in Him through this process. I truly believe that I have learned to be a stronger mother to my children by learning to parent like God the Father parents us. Not only is He building His strength in them, but He is also revealing His goodness to me. I love watching all of my kids do the things that they love. And, understanding how God equipped them and positioned them with their gifts is just the icing on the cake.

The Gift of Surrender

The Gift of Surrender

 Today marks the 3 year anniversary since Anna’s friend, Holly, went to Heaven. Holly was 2 ½ years older than Anna and had the same diagnosis- Monosomy 1P36. We met Holly just after her 3^rd birthday when Anna was just 6 months old and had just been diagnosed. Anna’s and Holly’s syndrome was estimated to affect 1 in 10,000 kids in 2001- the time of Anna’s diagnosis. That made it fairly rare. Since that time, the rate of diagnosis has been changed to 1 in 5,000 kids, making it a little less rare. In 2001, the support circle of families with a child with Monosomy 1P36 was very small and spread out. Some people didn’t know of another child with their child’s syndrome for 100’s of miles. The internet was beginning to be helpful in connecting people, but it was nothing like it is today. So, we were very blessed to meet Holly, who lived just 10 miles away.

Meeting Holly was both helpful and scary for me. Holly was a few years older, which made her mother Sandra practically an expert on the syndrome by the time I met her. She had all of the available resources and studies that had been created to provide more information for families and doctors. And since she had a couple more years of personal experience in caring for a child with Monosomy 1P36, she was a wealth of good advice and recommendations. All of that was very helpful and informative.

The scary part was that every child with the syndrome is so different from another that we had no way of knowing if Anna would be as affected as Holly, or less compromised like some of the other kids we read about. At that time, Anna was affected by seizures, acid reflux disease, and was already developmentally delayed. At sweet Holly’s young age of 3 years old, she was already having over 50 seizures a day, had a G-tube for feeding, suffered from many bouts of pneumonia, and was very developmentally delayed. On top of that, Sandra told me that Holly had never smiled or showed joy, other than during a laughing-type seizure. Her precious little girl was on so many strong seizure medications that it had seemed to suppress her abilities to express her emotions, other than crying from pain. I just remember being so scared at the thought that Anna might not ever smile at me, either.

The fears that entered my mind in those early days kept me awake at night. I tried to imagine how I would handle having a child who might never be able to express herself to me. And worse, never smile. On top of that, thinking that her seizures could get much worse and she might eventually lose her ability to eat by mouth was devastating. I didn’t want her to be on so many medications that she would be so drugged that she would just sleep a lot. I also didn’t want her to lose her ability to eat by mouth, which was something she enjoyed very much. She was just a breast-fed baby at that time, but eating was her most relaxed and comforting activity. I remember praying and begging God to let me just wake up from all of this and find out that it was just a bad dream. I prayed so desperately for Him to take this diagnosis away from Anna and let us find out that it was all a mistaken test result. I didn’t know it back then, but God already had the plan to use everything that Anna would go through for the good of so many people around us. And knowing Holly and her family was the first blessing that He gave us.

I learned so much about courage by watching Sandra and the whole family care for and love Holly in such a complete and unconditional way. They taught me about acceptance by the way they had come to love Holly just as she was and knowing that God had a plan and a purpose for her life, just like He did for everyone else. Her siblings were so mature for their age because they had this little sister who couldn’t do anything that they could; so they were there to care for her in their own special, unique ways. Her older sisters painted her nails and took care of the ‘girly’ stuff and her big brother vowed to always protect her. Our families had a bond that never would have existed had it not been for our unique little girls. And, on top of that, they shared similar facial features that made them look a lot like sisters. Baby Anna looked a lot like baby Holly had looked; and even to this day, Anna reminds Holly’s family of how Holly looked at certain ages. It’s very special, yet bittersweet.

Right now, Anna is exactly the same age that Holly was when she went Heaven. Right now, my small circle of friends with Monosomy 1P36 kids has gone from 3 kids to just Anna. We had eventually developed a friendship with another family a few hours away whose daughter, Meg, was just a few months younger than Anna. Their daughter went to Heaven when she was only 5 ½. And then 5 years later, Holly joined little Meg. Of course, I have met other people online and have grown that circle; but it’s different than the original circle of 3 who felt so connected to one another that we were like family.

Being the only parent left whose child is still alive is strange, lonely, frightening, and in a small way, hopeful. It’s hard to explain the emotions that go with it. It’s hard to put into words how I’m happy that Anna is healthy and alive, but unknowing about her future. It is definitely a situation in life that requires such an intense trust in God that I completely understand the idea of ‘blind faith.’ It is the first situation in my adult life that taught has me how to completely surrender to God every single hardship, anguish, struggle, pain, fear, insecurity and feeling of complete exhaustion that I could possibly have at one time. Learning how to trust God went to a whole new level when I finally reached the place of complete surrender to Him.

It was during Anna’s first year of life that I learned that people couldn’t be more wrong when they tell you, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” That is the biggest misconception that people have about struggle and hardship. The TRUTH is that God allows us to live in this fallen world where we WILL experience pain and hardships that there is NO WAY we could handle WITHOUT His help and provision. Sure, He has the power to stop things. Sure, He could protect us from every negative experience. However, He gave us free will and He gave us the CHOICE to trust Him or not. Sadly, it is because of MAN’S free will that many of us are hurt, abused, or wounded. But when we are not rescued from horrible circumstances, we have the choice to get angry at God for it, or to press in and trust Him even more. When I chose to press in and trust Him, I discovered the truth of His Word in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Folks, I can promise you with more certainty than anything else I could ever share in my life that if you can grab ahold of that scripture truth and apply it to every single difficult circumstance in your life, you will experience a power stronger than anything you ever known!

When Anna was 9 months old, I literally laid her down in the middle of my living room floor and created an alter before God, giving her life to Him and promising to Trust Him no matter what she went through. It was on a night that I had been up with her for hours, screaming and crying in pain from acid reflux that we would later discover had caused severe erosion in her esophagus and a hiatal hernia above her stomach. I had reached the point of “more than you can handle” and was desperately crying out to God for help! Up until that moment, denial, positive thinking, staying strong, etc. had all proven to be limited in dealing with such a situation. All I had left to do was cry out to God and BEG for Him to take this hardship from me and carry it for me. And He did! In fact, the minute I picked Anna up off of the floor and collapsed into a chair with her fragile little body on my chest, a rush of peace poured over me through the top of my head and filled my entire body. I felt as if Jesus, himself, had picked us both up and was holding us like an infant completely engulfed in a blanket of divine peace. The strength and power that I felt was completely not my own! I felt just like Paul, after God spoke in 2 Corinthians 12:10, when he said, “I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” It was in my total weakest moment that I felt the most power I had ever felt!

People, I am not strong. I am weak and flawed and anything but a Supermom. When people say, “I don’t know how you do it. It must be so hard,” they couldn’t be more correct. I CAN’T do it and it IS HARD! But I stand on God’s promise, every single day, that “I can do ALL things through Christ Who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) And when I wake up and forget to remind myself of that Truth, it is not a good day!

Today, there is a list of things that I can say with certainty. Number 1 addresses the feelings of being the only one left in my circle of friends. With that, I am CERTAIN that I have total peace- the peace that surpasses ALL understanding (Philippians 4:7), as promised if we trust Jesus with our lives. I have total peace with whatever circumstance Anna goes through, even if God calls her home. Living with the knowing that I may very possibly bury a child, one day, is not easy by any means. But, I HAVE to believe that God loves Anna more than I ever possibly could with my human limitations. And, if He loves her even more than I do, then I am CERTAIN that he will always do what is best for her. For He has promised for Anna, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

The second on the list addresses the questions I hear so often: “Will she ever walk or talk? Do you believe that God will heal her?” Absolutely, I believe it! It is promised in Hebrews 12:13 that “the lame may not be disabled, but healed.” Whether Anna walks and talks while on this Earth or doesn’t until she is on the other side of Eternity in Heaven, she IS healed! It is already done. It is a promise from God. As soon as I was able to release that one to God and trust His timing for Anna’s healing, I quit focusing on the unimportant detail of the WHEN it would happen. The fact is that Anna’s disability “happened that the work of God might be displayed in her life.” (John 9:3) She wakes up with a smile on her face EVER SINGLE DAY. She is happier than any other child I have ever known. She doesn’t care that she can’t walk and she is certainly not going around sad and depressed all of the time because she can’t talk. She is the strongest person I know, taking every single illness, setback and surgery in stride. If that isn’t God’s work, I don’t know what is! Besides, she has touched more lives in her 13 years of being in a ‘disabled’ state than I have in my 40 years of being in an able-bodied state. I have complete assurance in Psalm 139:14, 16 that Anna “is fearfully and wonderfully made; your [God’s] works are wonderful” and “that all the days ordained for [her] were written in your [God’s] book before one of them came to be.”

The third and final question that I want to address has to be with whether or not I believe that Anna’s life has a plan and a purpose, just the way she is. There is no doubt in my mind that God has already used her just like she is, just as He used Holly’s life just as she was. Holly’s memorial service was FULL of people who had been touched by knowing Holly. She was most definitely a special angel sent to this Earth just as she was to serve a much bigger purpose than anyone can understand. And while her family has comfort in knowing that she is now running and talking and dancing in Heaven, their lives will never be the same without her here, until they are with her again.  Just as Holly’s family could tell about Holly’s ministry here on Earth, I can most definitely share stories about Anna’s ministry, too.

The one time that stands out most in my mind is the time that Anna’s most pure and loving heart spoke right through the hardened, bitter outer shell of a homeless man and reached right into his very soul. His name was Dennis and he had been homeless for a long time. The ravages of homelessness, drunkenness and time had waged heavy on his body and soul. He was angry at people, angry at God and he wanted to die. God had told me to take Anna to meet him after the very first time I, myself, had the experience of meeting him. His hopelessness was so sad to see that I felt compelled to find a way to reach him.

I wheeled Anna right up to him while he was complaining to someone about his life’s horrible experiences. He was very drunk and angry that day. It took a few moments for Dennis to notice her in front of him, but he was left speechless the second he looked up and saw her. Even though she couldn’t speak a single word of wisdom, or quote some great scripture to him, she sat there in front of him- the most beautifully pure example of God’s Truth and love- reaching right into his soul. When he was finally able to say something, he asked her name and asked if he could touch her. Tears welled up in his eyes as she smiled at him with her unconditionally loving eyes, showering him with complete acceptance. He asked several questions and then began to cry, saying how he felt so bad for complaining about his life when there was someone right in front of him who had it much worse. But I corrected him and told him that Anna didn’t have it worse because she was happy. I told him that she had the joy of the Lord and wasn’t sad about her circumstances because she knew God’s love for her. As I said the words, I realized exactly how God used Anna just as she was.

Anna is the perfect picture of God’s love each and every day. To wake up happy, no matter the circumstances, and to be able to show love to all of God’s people is a beautiful thing. Anna gets it. Thanks to her, now I get it, too! There are many things in my life that I might not get right, but I am SO thankful for Anna because it is through her that I have learned so much about God’s love and power. If she gets to Heaven before me, I’ll bet that she will have even more to teach me when I get there, too. Until then, I’m going to stay thankful for her and thankful to God for the gift of Surrender.

Today is your day!

Share Your Story!

As I updated my blog the other day, I realized that I had not written a new post in 3 years. It’s hard to believe that I had let so much time pass without sharing any word of hope or encouragement for my readers. I felt like I had let people down because I ignored my God-given ability to reach people with my writing and transparency. Well, no more!

As I write this today, I want to encourage everyone out there to write your stories, too. You may not have the knack for writing, but write anyways. You may be afraid to be open and vulnerable to others, but be open anyways. You may have felt ignored by your own church leaders; but don’t let that stop you! You may feel like everyone else seems to get the support from their church family that you don’t; but you have God’s support. God wants for you to share your stories! God will bring the right audience to you. He will bring the people that need your testimony.

I found that I had gotten so hung up on the fact that I didn’t feel supported, heard and encouraged, and wasn’t given the opportunity to serve where my gifts could best be used, that I gave up for a little while. I actually got angry and convinced that I needed to leave- to move on to somewhere else.  Then, God spoke to me and reminded me that it is He who has called me. It is He for whom I write. It is He who will bring forth the opportunities to be used in His Kingdom. He reminded me that even the best leaders can get in the way of His plans, but He will find another way. No matter what, God’s plans will prevail!

This is true for you, too, my friends! You have a story. You have gifts. You have overcome and someone else is in need of the hope that will come from hearing your testimony!

The Enemy is real and he will do anything he can to cause us to become discouraged, to get off-track, to feel let down, ignored, and forgotten. It is not true. God never forgot you. He has never left your side. In Deuteronomy 31:8, He says, “I will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged.” Even if no one else seems to notice your struggles. Even if you feel more distant from Him, right now, than you ever have in your entire life. Even if you have allowed yourself to get off track from your destiny and haven’t been walking out the life you are called to live. My friend, EVERY day is a new day! EVERY day is a fresh start. God is not keeping a record of your wrongs or failures. “Love keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:5) That is a lie that the enemy would have you believe. God gives each new day to you with a beautiful sunrise and the morning dew on the grass to remind you that today is brand-new. “This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24) Today is your day!

Starting today, I vow to keep writing as much as I possibly can. I’m making this promise out loud to you, my readers. God has called me to share His good news with you. I’m making this promise so that you will hold me accountable. The time to cower away from His calling is NOT now and NOT ever again. Time is precious and every day holds the promise that another life can be healed. Another life can be forever changed for the better. Another soul can be brought into His Kingdom. We don’t need huge audiences or recognition. God knows who He will reach with our stories. And if only 1 single person reads it and is brought into a relationship with Him, it is worth it for that 1 person! Because every single person is worthy of God’s love and forgiveness. Forget your past. Forget any shame or guilt that you may feel. Forget whether or not you feel supported, or even noticed, by your leaders.  God has forgotten your past. He does not want you to feel guilt or shame. “For there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1) And, lastly, He is not concerned about man’s approval. For in the end, we are only accountable to Him.

Share your story today. Write whatever the Lord has put on your hearts. It doesn’t matter if it’s grammatically correct, eloquently written or properly spelled. If you do your part, God will do the rest. After all, He knows exactly who needs to hear you! I love you all and pray that you will answer the call. Today is your day!